Incest
2002-12-13
I have memories of laying in my crib in our tiny two room apartment and hearing the animal sounds from their bed as he pounded flesh against flesh until he was satisfied. Afterward he would berate mother for being a lifeless lover and if he wasn't completely exhausted pick a fight over her lack of enthusiasm for sex. Our best nights while Dad lived with us were those when he came home so drunk he just passed out. One time when Mom called the police to calm Dad down and he was nice as pie until they left. Mom lived in hell of his making for weeks afterward and never called them again. She had learned that when the police left after extracting a promise from Dad to do better, things only got worse. The last time Dad beat Mom he made so much noise slamming her around and she screamed so loud the neighbors called the sheriff and two deputies came and took Dad away. I never saw him again. When Mom brought me home from foster care the next weeks were filled with courtrooms and offices with people sitting behind desks asking questions. Dad went to jail for a month or two and was released on probation. He never came around anymore and I didn't miss him. Perhaps a year later we heard he had been stabbed by a woman he was living with after he beat her up. He was dead when the police arrived. With no income after Dad went to jail Mom applied for welfare and our privacy was mostly removed by social workers and welfare investigators. People came to our apartment and looked in the refrigerator to see what kind of food Mom had and asked what seemed to me a million questions. The investigators even asked our neighbors questions about us so what little privacy we had became very precious indeed.
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I learned to be very secretive from this experience and would talk to no one about our private life. The only good thing about welfare was we got to move to a nicer apartment in a better part of town. The seeds of our relationship were sown out of necessity and loneliness. Before Dad left I was the only person who gave Mom any love or affection and we became very closely bonded. Mom was little more than a girl herself and my childish love was the only good thing in her young life. She would carry on long one-sided conversations with me and shower her pent-up need to love on me. The terror filled nights of waiting for a drunken husband to come home she spent hugging me close and sharing her hopes that he would just this once be in a good mood. I spent many a night sitting on her lap held close to her breast. The absence of abundant hot water for a bath and little heat in winter removed any modesty between mother and me. In the cheap apartment that Dad rented Mom could only run one bath before the hot water ran out so we would bathe together for as long as I could remember. She would scrub me all over and rinse me off and I would wash her back for her. The back washing branched out to include all over as I grew older and learned how to scrub her properly. I was always fascinated by her breasts and she would let me amuse myself as I carefully washed them. At first I was only allowed to touch them when we were in the bath. I remember one time in particular when I was sitting astride her tummy and washing her breasts.
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She was lying back in the tub with her eyes closed enjoying the attention she was getting when my little penis became erect. When she noticed it she took it in her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Her hand felt good there and I continued to rub her soapy breasts with my bare hands as she held my little soldier, as she called it, in her hand and gently stroked it back and forth causing pleasant little tickles. We stopped only when the water began to get cool. This became a ritual at almost every bath and I found it as natural as my mother's kiss. Another time I was washing Mom's legs and I commented that she didn't have a little soldier between her legs as I did. When I asked about her missing member she explained that boys and girls had different parts between their legs. Curious, I washed the outside of her vagina with the washcloth and was surprised when she gasped as I touched it. She sat up from her reclining position plunging it underwater out of my reach. One day I was washing her legs with my bare hands and I let my hand slip between her legs to wash that curious triangular patch of hair. A soapy finger slid inside her much to my surprise. I was a little scared at first but Mom didn't seem to mind at all, in fact, she seemed to enjoy what was happening very much so out of childish curiosity I explored the new phenomenon I had discovered. After a few moments she guided my fingers to a little bump just above the big hole and showed me how to massage it. As I massaged her little bump she began to move her hips back and forth and make little noises that were even to my young ears caused by pleasure. Not yet five, I had masturbated my mother to orgasm.
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When it was over she hugged me and kissed me with a fervor she never had never shown before and made me promise never to tell anyone about what we did in the bath.
She explained that this was just as much fun for her as it was for me when she played with my little soldier. We had so little happiness in our lives anything that brought a little joy was welcomed by either of us. I would have done anything that made Mom happy if only for a moment. Neither of us ever told Dad anything out of fear so keeping secrets was as normal as breathing. Another bath time ritual was born. When Dad wasn't home which was about half the time Mom would take me to bed with her. In winter it was cold in our apartment and we would huddle together in bed to keep warm. Other times we slept together for mutual emotional support. What was born of necessity continued after we moved into our new apartment that was well heated and had two bedrooms. We slept together every night after Dad was gone. One morning shortly after we had moved I woke up before Mom and was just laying there enjoying being alive in a warm snug bed. I was laying on my side facing her and she was facing me. One of her breasts had fell free of her nightgown and the nipple was only inches from my face. I wondered what it would feel like to take the nipple in my mouth and suck it and after a few seconds of hesitation I began to do just that.
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Mom stretched her body as she awakened and put her arms around me to hug me even closer to her breast. Holding me tightly she rolled on her back and pulled me on top. We lay like this for a long time and she freed the other breast so I could give it some attention also. I alternated between left and right until my mouth got tired and then stopped. Mom removed her panties and guided my hand to her vagina and I began to masturbate her as I had in the bathtub. She pushed my face into her breasts and I got the idea she wanted me to suck her nipples at the same time. She wiggled and bucked her way to an orgasm and finally lay still while I kept my fingers buried inside her. I liked to feel the inside of her vagina and as wet as she had become it was easy for me to slip my fingers around and feel what was inside that mysterious crevice. Afterwards she removed my shorts and lay me on my back. She took my penis in her mouth and began to suck it as I had her nipples. This caused a whole new series of sensations for me. She had never done this before and after the surprise was over I found myself enjoying the warm moist sucking and rubbing she gave me with her mouth and tongue. When I looked up there was her hairy vagina right over my face. She stopped sucking me long enough to tell me to suck and massage her little bump with my tongue. I wasn't prepared for the reaction out of Mom when I started.
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She pushed down into my face and almost smothered me at first. When I complained we reversed positions with me on top and continued. This was much better for I could now see what I was doing and when she thrust her hips toward my face I could still breathe. I could judge how much fun she was having by how hard she sucked on my little soldier. That morning I quickly brought her to orgasm. Later I learned how to tease her and make her go almost crazy by varying the tempo of my tonguing on her little bump. I liked to prolong these intimate times for I enjoyed my half of the fun and wanted it to last as long as possible. Sunday mornings were the best of all our intimate times. When we woke up we would just lie abed and play with each other. After Mom had had an orgasm or two I would just lie between her legs and play with my pink toy, the code name for Mom's vagina later shortened to just my toy. She showed me how my little soldier was supposed to go inside her but I was just too small at that time. I did rub his head against her little bump and discovered a new world of sensations. We would while away the whole morning doing little else except giving each other pleasure. I loved my mother very much and her love for me knew no bounds. Outside our intimate play she showered me with affection and if I did anything to displease her a stern word or two was all that was necessary to put me back on the straight and narrow.
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Everyone commented on our devotion to each other and what a good job she was doing raising a son alone. When I started kindergarten Mom went back to school to finish high school. Her classes were long and I had to spend a lot of time in day care. I missed her terribly but she patiently explained why we had to be separated all those hours during the day so she could get a job and give us a better life. Since Dad had gone I was in heaven and couldn't see how our life could be better but I took her word and suffered quietly missing her constant presence. It was while I was in kindergarten I learned that my relationship with my mother was different from other children's.
The secrecy and reticence learned in our early welfare days stood me in good stead. I never talked about my home life with the other kids and as I listened to their stories I realized what a wonderful mother I had. They lived dull lives compared to Mom and me. I also figured out that our intimacy was considered a bad thing by society in general and learned one good lesson; what everyone believes may not be right in all cases. During the last half of first grade I had a growing spurt and shot up like a weed. My little soldier did some serious growing also and finally I was large enough to penetrate my pink toy. This added a whole new dimension to our intimate play and introduced me to the real joy of sex. I hadn't matured enough to have an orgasm yet but I loved the sensations I felt inside my toy and I could stay erect forever it seemed. Mom particularly enjoyed sitting astride me and rocking back and forth until she exploded with one orgasm after another.
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Other times I would lay on top and pump away until I was too tired to move. One of my favorite positions was to lie crossways between her legs with one of her legs between mine and her other leg over my waist. In this position I could bury my little soldier inside her toy and we could relax and be comfortable while maintaining intimate contact. Many nights we fell asleep in this position. The most pleasant feeling on earth was to have my little soldier deep within the confines of her warm slippery flesh. I took every opportunity to enjoy our mutual pleasures either orally or in the more conventional manner. Mom finished her high school course and graduated when I was in second grade. I was her escort at her graduation party and when she introduced me as her son I could see disappointment on several of the men's faces. Mom was a reasonably attractive 23 year old woman but the baggage of a son of seven was more than most men her age could tolerate. I later learned she feared any intimate relationship with men old enough to be her peer after her experience with Dad. It was of little consequence to her for we had each other and our life together was an island of love and emotional safety in a dangerous sea. After the public party we had our own private party at home in the security of our bedroom safe from the prying eyes of the outside. Mom landed a day job and we were finally free of welfare investigators. She had by her own sweat earned us our privacy. The experience had matured both of us.
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Mom had developed little mentally while she lived with Dad but after he left she had grown by leaps and bounds as she faced the world and made a place for us to live. She had always treated me as her equal and I was wise far beyond my seven years. She was shrewd at work and gained promotion after promotion. When she found her education inadequate she would go back to school until she had the necessary tools. As she moved up in her job our living circumstances followed suit. She was a loner in the business world and had no romantic entanglements to create barriers to her advancement. Few people even knew she had a son. I was twelve when a major change came into our life. I can recall that morning as if it were yesterday. Mom and I were enjoying a typical Sunday morning and I was pumping away when I began to feel a new sensation. The pleasant tickling feeling I was accustomed to began to build higher and higher in waves. The pleasure was centered in the head of my penis and radiated out to my entire body. It became almost unbearable but I couldn't stop until it reached a crescendo that was very nearly pain and violent contractions seized my groin causing something to spurt out of my penis. With a cry of pleasure I collapsed on top of Mom in a state of contentment and fulfillment I had never experienced before. What I hadn't noticed was she had also had a super orgasm and we were both in a state of ecstasy.
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When we calmed down enough I told Mom what I had just experienced. She carefully explained that I had just had my first ejaculation and that sex would be like that from now on. We spent that glorious morning exploring my new ability. We were as close as a man and a woman can become. We were united by the bonds of a mother and son and we were also joined as lovers. We were so close we could almost tell what the other was thinking. Any separation, if only for a matter of hours, was hard to bear. We had become almost a single entity in two bodies. When I became older we moved to another city where we lived openly as a couple. Those were the happiest years of our lives. Too soon they ended. Cancer, a terrible word that strikes fear in everyone, came to visit us. One day she was the light of my life and a few months later I was standing by an open grave mourning my loss. How would I ever be able to go on without her?"Daddy, lets go now. Mummy wouldn't want us to be so sad.
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